I woke up deep in thought today, reflecting once again on the last 10 years as the decade draws to a close. On my mind in particular was this very strange thing we call money, which in and of itself is nothing more than an idea.
Yet the mere idea of money consumes our lives, inflicts pain, brings joy, and moves people to coordinate their energies and work together towards a common good (or evil).
At this point in my life I’ve seen both sides of money. I’ve never been fabulously wealthy, but I’ve been way way above average–AND–as close to bankruptcy as any man can claim without filing.
I’ve consulted for large corporations who write six figure checks without batting an eye, and worked with patients for whom my six dollar sliding scale session fee meant skipping lunch that day.
I’ve got friends who are multi-g’zillionaires, and those who could care less about their bank account as long they have a roof over their head, food to eat, and people to love. (Nothing wrong with having BOTH by the way)
And since I’ve been TEACHING marketing and entrepreneurship, I’ve been privileged to witness a number of students succeed beyond what they ever thought was possible, but watched more stagnate, get in their own way, and suffer.
So I felt inspired this morning to begin a series on the strange psychology of money… the insights which hide beneath the surface, preventing most of us from getting what we really want in life, which, in my estimation, is not money itself, but the things which money empowers us to do, be, and feel.
I thought I’d start out with a personal observation to get us all going, but I’d be VERY interested in hearing what you all think below. I’ll follow up with more later this week. (By the way, sorry for “going dark” these last few weeks, I was out in Milwaukee doing strategic planning with Rocket Clicks, and then I had to catch up on the latest installment of the Bulls-Eye-Marketing-Club)
1) It’s NOT Really Money That We Want:
Now, before you yell at me, please know I realize when you don’t have enough money to pay the bills, it’s hard to want anything else. I’m not sitting here in some lofty castle, and I HAVE felt the personal sting of debt up to my eyeballs.
I also don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really DO like money. In fact, I LOVE money, and I’d like you to give me some today please so I can give you more value. (That’s the way it’s supposed to work, right? Why do we all feel so guilty about saying so? In fact, I think feeling guilty about asking for money is tantamount to saying you don’t have value to offer… something to think about, don’t you think?)
In the end, you see, I don’t think it’s really the money we want.
If you ARE having trouble paying your bills, ask yourself what you plan to do when you CAN pay them. THAT’s what you really want.
Here’s where this really hit home for me.
When I was deep in debt and on the verge of bankruptcy, I embraced the classic goal-setting literature (Stephen Covey, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, etc). I worked very hard on articulating both long and short term goals, attaching pictures to them, writing an overall vision statement, prioritizing it all, and then isolating my single most important mission in life.
Initially it was to amass a large sum of money. Very large. Because I couldn’t see how I could possibly accomplish all my other goals without it. Even health and relationship goals seemed to pale in comparison, as crazy as that sounds coming from a psychologist… that’s what soul-crushing debt can do to you. (Note: it’s very easy to SAY we should put health and relationships before money… everyone knows you should. But how many of us, especially on the brink of financial ruin, actually DO it if we’re really honest?)
Well, in order to really “stamp in the blueprint” into my psychology, I decided I was going to write out all my goals 10 times each day in the exact prioritized order, and the do some free-associative journaling to identify obstacles and opportunities.
The strangest thing happened.
At first, the financial goal seemed like it really DID belong in first position. After all, the wolves were at the door, we were firing employees left and right, borrowing as much as we possibly could (not only from banks but from friends and family), and barely sleeping.
But one day I noticed that the goals refused to stay in the “right” order in my memory. Some of the health and relationship goals were moving up the list, and I simply couldn’t recall the others until I had written those down. It got to the point that I had to actually go back to my original written document because I couldn’t finish the list, even though I’d written it a hundred times.
As this was happening (over the course of a few months), it started to occur to me that I could easily accomplish a lot of these other goals no matter how much debt I had. Climbing mountains, eating better, spending more time with Sharon and my dogs, making mastermind connections, getting a coach, etc.
As I started doing these things, I found I was HAPPY despite continuing to deal with the debt. (Which was STILL the pull-the-blanket-over-your-head-and-cry-yourself-to-sleep kind-of debt)
Maybe happier than I’d ever been previously.
Finally one day I noticed I’d written ALL the other goals before the financial goal.
And paradoxically, THAT’S when things started getting better … I think because when I really took care of myself body, mind, and soul, then and only then could I put ALL the pieces together for my marketing system.
Now, you might think this story ends with me dropping my financial goals entirely, just “letting go”, and “going with the flow”, or some such nonsense.
Not so. Like I said, I LOVE money, and I’m continuing on with my well orchestrated and methodical quest to get rich… very rich.
What’s different now is I no longer love money for money’s sake. It’s not this kind of vague, magical, mysterious and frightening force in my life who’s only purpose is to beat down the wolves at the door.
It’s something which empowers me to do what I want to do, add value in the way I want to add value, enjoy life in the way I want to enjoy life. Which I think is the highest and best use of money.
I think when we crave money, get obsessed with it, and come to believe it’s the ONLY thing which can make our lives better, we’re actually expressing a deep fear of money. And if we’re frightened of money, we’re ever so much more unlikely to allow it into our lives, don’t you think?
More simply…
Money obsession is really a hidden financial fear, and financial fear repels money.
Does that make sense? (Do you agree?)
Last, I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and I still AM occasionally prone to retreating to a fearful, money obsessed state when I get a big tax bill, when we expand any of our businesses with more employees to reach “the next level”, when the economy tanks, and even, believe it or not, when I experience a mini-windfall.
But these feelings are always temporary now, and far, far less intense than ever before.
Because I’ve learned I can get what’s MOST important to me almost entirely without money. Which paradoxically has freed me to make more, and help others do the same.
And please note I made this leap BEFORE the money started coming in.
If we only associate money with fear (even if it’s removing fear), I think we’re unlikely to ever have much. Do you agree?
Let me know,
Dr. G 
PS – I’ve only got room for 5 more people in my personal coaching board, and then I’m going to close it for new entrants, maybe for good. (I know a lot of people say these kinds of things to create a false scarcity, but it takes me a lot of time and it’s not the most lucrative thing I do. I started it because I felt I needed to be closer to the market and see how people were actually implementing my hyper-responsive methods, but I’ve got enough people doing that now successfully, and because NOBODY has left since I discovered the new format, it’s taking me a lot more time than I originally planned. )
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Your last comment about fearing money was extremely insightful. I immediately thought about a situation in my own life where I believe a decision I’ve made was based almost entirely on fear (and now supported by fear). Breaking free from that mindset is difficult because I am not able to visualize an alternative.
Like you, I too woke up with stirring thoughts. Your post was the connecting rod.
It´s curious to read this today. I am running a workshop on Money and Consciousness tomorrow here in sunny Spain!
I believe that people who are lacking money in their lives are keeping it away by the very fact they come from a place of lack, though often on an unconscious level. We are all run by our unconscious minds most of the time, and so if we have negative beliefs around money buried in the unconscious mind, we are not going to understand this, especially if on a conscious level we want more money.
Working to help people become aware of their unconscious beliefs and then release them and create new positive beliefs around money is the method I use. Sometimes it´s fear and other times it´s guilt or resentment. Basically the fear is a lack of trust, not trusting that there is enough for everyone.
I understand your realisation that you can have just about everything you truly want without money. I came to the same conclusion when I was on the verge of losing my house to the bank too. I was extremely fearful for a long time before and the realised that as long as I had my family and they were safe, all was well in my world. That´s when I really started to trust the Universe would take care of me.
Bye for now.
Very interesting Glen. I have been giving a great amount of thought to this topic lately–possibly because I turn 50 in two months and no one that I know–I mean no one–has worked harder, read/learned more, honestly and brutally self-examined, launched/failed/learned, etc. etc., than I have. Yet I cannot seem to build any money. I think I actually repel it.
I had a book published in 2007 (Penguin Publishing), I have worked/consulted for some of the biggest and best companies in the world–receiving invaluable training from each of them along the way. I have embraced an entrepreneurial lifestyle since I was 20, writing out the goals as you did and reading them/visualizing daily. Yet I cannot seem to build any money. I think I actually repel it.
We’ve all read a lot about unknowingly sabotaging ourselves; about fear of poverty, fear of success, fear of money. I have become convinced lately that despite being the most positive, optimistic and open-minded life student, I am sabotaging myself–a disturbing notion when you have no idea HOW you are doing it…
So pleae continue the discussion. I for one would like very much to know just how to CHANGE this subconscious enemy.
Thanks.
-Derek
Hi Glenn,
Thanks for sharing these deep thoughts. I have taken courage from your story of coming back from being deep in debt, since I seem to be there right now. And I believe that health, relationships, helping others and spirituality in life is much higher in the priority list than money alone; although having enough money to enjoy those things certainly helps.
I appreciate you telling it the way it is and to hang in there with the courage to keep making progress when the conditions around us aren’t where we want to be.
- Dave
That’s a gooder Glen,
I fought unreal hard to succeed and the only thing standing in my way was my lack of money. It was all I thought about, every day and every night for so many years of my life. The more I thought about it, the more I fought it and the harder I tried to get it, the worse it got. Money was controlling me with a gun to my head. (sorry for harsh visualization, but that is what it was like)
Finally I had some realizations and mental mindshifts after being at the lowest of the low. (which I would not trade for anything) You have to feel that aweful feeling to know what it is really like, then everything else can only get better from there. I realized that I have to get in control of me or will forever be doomed to be controlled by money. Not that it happened overnight, but now I am the one with the gun, not the money. I am the one in control. And even though I have not succeeded to where I want to be yet, things are finally happening. Simply by being in control and not caring about money, it frees my mind to focus on other more important things. Not an easy mindshift after so many years, but I have never felt better in my life.
Thanks for the insight and tips. Looking forward to more.
Great stuff, Glenn!
Instead of all the worthless crap they taught me in the government run school system, THIS is the kind of stuff I should have been learning. It would have saved me DECADES of heartache.
Thanks a lot for sharing it.
All the best,
Doberman Dan
Hi Glenn,
This topic is actually the sweetspot of the Law of Attraction teachings. First, every subject (on a simple level) is two subjects: the having of something, and the not having of it. When we are in an obsessive state about anything, we are clearly sending out a vibration of “not having” and so attracting people, places, events, thoughts and so on that are consistant with the “not having”.
What’s interesting about your story (again from an LOA perspective) is that the way to break out of a “not having” vibration is to tend to your emotional state of being and do things that make you feel better. If you focus just on doing the things that make you feel better, you typically pull yourself up out of fear or obsessiveness and up the emotional scale within most areas of your life…which gives you a “have” vibration that starts to attract “have” events, people, places, thoughts, income.
Glenn, I had similar experiences with money…and have read most of the literature on money. The law of attraction literature is the most comprehensive and most consistant, and most testable, and provable understanding I’ve ever come across. I’ve been reading, watching, listening to the info since May, total immersion to get my head completely around the nuances of it. Well worth digging into.
Glenn, or Dr. Glenn,
Your article on the psychology of money or the lack of it rings straight to the core of why I’m spending so much of my time and money searching for the right internet business model with which to begin a retirement business. (Still trying to find a purpose for doing so).
After living for 56 years and attending college you would think that I would have all of the knowledge and tools necessary to handle all of life’s challenges skillfully and without all of the stress related to the problem of acquiring enough money to meet all of my family’s needs. Well the short answer is, that I don’t, but what I didn’t acquire through education I got from the school of hard knocks and good ol’ experience.
56 years ago I came into this world butt naked without a dime to my name and when my allotted time is up I’ll undoubtedly leave the same way I came in and hopefully without leaving any debt and what I do leave behind my heirs won’t fight over. In between these two events I still need to learn the art of controlling the fear of making and/or losing money.
BTW, I like money too, especially spendable cash.
A fan of your “How to Double Your Business” program,
Ken Armijo
Doberman Dan, you are absolutely correct instead of the school system teaching us how to be employees. The coursework should be geared towards being an entrepreneur and learning about how to attract money to you. I am finally attracting money to me even though I started to eliminate the employee mentality a little late in life. Glenn this was a very good topic to discuss with such honesty thank you.
Thanks Glen for that information, I think this is the information that we all need to help us out of the hole we find ourselves in from time to time.
Its not just information to read and do nothing, but the practical aspect of implementing these “life changing” principles are very important to us moving forward in life. Very impacting, Insightful and life changing.
Thanks again Glen, great work, humanity has been waiting for this.
Of course this made sense when you said it. I still don’t know how to make it work for me, now. I still need it, WANT it. How can I have the other stuff when I am losing my house? I have sucked up all the LOA stuff for years too and am starting to resent the smugness of many of the teachers. I don’t think it’s consistent many parts are the same and yet there are plenty also contradictions. I don’t have any money or credit to buy any more secrets. Thanks.
Hi Glenn,
I have been subscribed for awhile to your newsletter and I have seen such a refreshing honesty and desire to really help that is truly different in your presentation of information. This installment is no different. I have reached the point where I feel pretty confident I have alot to offer thus covering the what, now I am intent on resolving the how. I have a deep desire to help others and I realize that my time in doing so should have value and compensation in order to allow me to truly give value to individuals. The idea that what may be holding me back is at least in part the fear of money which I need in order to do this properly because it represents the time I would be spending on my passion rather than my real job had occurred to me recently. I want to just do what I know will help others but I’m afraid still of the interim between what I’m doing now and getting started with the internet based venture I feel really confident can succeed.
Your articles and MP3’s have been very helpful in developing enough confidence to reach this point and eliminate alot of the unknown. I just finished your 90 minute Google Video presentation with your wife and it helped clarify the process of eliminating risk as well. Important when you have little time and money to spend on a new venture.
Thanks for all the FREE info. I really believe you truly want to help people…even me. You are among a very few people on the internet who are REAL…so thank you.
G. Snyders
Hi Glenn,
Yes, you are so right. What we focus on is what we get and if we are focusing on our debts and our need for money to pay our bills, then all we get is more bills, more debt, and not more money. We do need to begin to appreciate the things we do have. \"The best things in life are free!\" Pursue those things that matter, relationships, giving of our time and resources to help others, etc., and the money will start showing up.
At least that is what I am planning on happening. Right now I\’m in the same boat as Dave, above. I am deeply in debt. But I am working on the relationships and the time with others, as well.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Dawn
Hello Glenn;
Your post kinda brought back memories of the first time I read Napolean Hill’s Think And Grow Rich and the mindset one must have at the subconscious level in order to attract the ideas thru the 6th sense and then act upon them.
I still read that book today after many years and it played a huge part in me retiring from the military at age 46 and being able to keep growing my online businesses and earn a steady income month after month from home on the net.
Yes money isnt everything, but once you get freedom from the 9-5 because on an online income, then life starts to become fun. No, I still have debt, but not as much … but more importantly, I’m free from the cubicle, and there is no price tag for freedom from a gov JOB.
As Andrew Carnegie and hundreds of successful people have discovered down thru the passage of time, all you need to be a success in life is an idea … born in the mind … and a burning desire to stick with it until it becomes an obsession and you see it transform itself into money.
Every person in school today should be forced to read that book … several times … it truly changed my life.
Thanks for a great article.
Hi Glenn,
Very insightful stuff! After one failed business, bankruptcy, and working for the man again. I am out on my own. However, this time I realize that I have all that I need (healthy family, good home, time for my kids and wife) and everything seems to be falling into place. Despite the economy, I picked up three consulting projects in two weeks. I don’t feel any smarter than the last time around, but I seem to be capable of attracting others this time.
I look forward to your other insights. So far, your experience seems to be aligned with mine.
Thanks,
Jeff
Glenn,
Once again I’m reminded that there are NO COINCIDENCES in this life !
Just today I went to a wellness seminar to get back in touch with taking care of this part of life — emotional, spiritual and physical– in the midst of great emotional angst.
As a cancer survivor, attending wellness seminars for the past 13 years has brought me considerable joy and feelings of great hope.
Then came home to a certified letter notifying us of our home foreclosure date in 2 weeks. This has been going on for 3 years ( 2 years keeping up with barely making payments and this last year, no payments.)
After reading this, one of the things that comes to mind is that I have totally avoided addressing any new wellness learning since last October — precisely when this mortgage mess spiraled out of control for us.
I put everything on hold last October to attempt to increase our income to no avail and to take care of an aging Mother. Noble causes but in hindsight I should not have omitted what brought me joy.
Thank you Glenn for waking up in deep thought and sharing this with us.
My, what timing!
I can never thank you enough for this,
Maryt
I find your comment that feeling guilty about asking for more money might be a sign that we feel we don’t have enough value to be interesting. I’m not sure I entirely agree though, it always feels to me like I want my customers to have a great experience and get a great deal not that I feel like I am cheating them.
I agree about finding happiness first though. I used to think that it’d be nice to be rich but that I never really would be because it wasn’t a priority. Then a friend told me he didn’t think I could do it when I argued anyone could become rich with proper motivation and commitment. I always love a challenge so I’ve made it my newest one and have spent over a year so far trying to learn this online marketing thing. Only made $50 so far and spent far more than that but I think moving in the right direction and have an idea as to what I’m doing now.
I too have spent my life reading and trying to digest all of the advice out there regarding money and how to get \\"more\\"..
The same time and effort spent on living the statement \\"Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else will be added to you\\" would have solved this critical need we all have.
If I can start over at 80 it would be to follow our heavenly fathers advice and would have been a better dad and human being. Thats all I see as important in our busy lives…My 2 cents. May it help others (another truism)
I sometimes sacrificed integrity for money and remember every time how it
sticks in my memory.
Eternal life is the prize, not more money.
I think we all know that when we get emotionally attached to the outcome – whether that outcome is to make a sale, get a job, connect in a relationship – then we are less likely to achieve that outcome. Being emotionally attached to the outcome – means wanting things more for our own benefit than the benefit of the person on the other side of the equation. We win, they lose.
Is this based on a hidden financial fear as you suggest? Can’t say for sure. But I know when we are more concerned with what we get out of some activity instead of what value we bring to the activity, we become selfish and self-centered. We try to put ourselves first. And we all have a built in BS detector that generally alerts us when someone is behaving in this manner.
So I totally agree with your conclusion but maybe I express it differently. We often focus on money -or other material things/relationships – when truly what we want is the feeling of accomplishment – the validation. But we will not get that from the money or other material things. We only get the personal satisfaction from bringing value to others. And as you observed, if we bring enough value to others, the money will be a natural by product.
I believe we arrive at the same conclusion. If you want more money, stop focusing on the money and focus on the value you can bring to others. Since it is probably not the money you want but the feelings you believe money will bring. These feeling actually come from personal accomplishment. Bring more value to others and the feelings plus the money will follow.
Glenn, I’ve been into this whole “inner game” stuff for at least 12 years, and your post is one of the best things I’ve ever read on this topic.
I say that because you’ve identified a really key “inside-out” or “chicken-egg” conundrum that screws this up for a lot of people (myself included).
Here’s what I did when I was in a job I hated and really wanted to have my own business instead: I sat down with a sheet of paper and made a list of all the GOOD things about my job. I came up with 37 things! It really surprised me. I immediately felt better. It actually made me HAPPY. I walked around at work an inch or two above the ground, and yeah, I still wanted out of there, but resentment and anger no longer was my fuel. A happy certainty replaced it. I realized that I was inwardly “okay” no matter happened – or didn’t happen. Six months later, I gave my notice and never looked back.
That’s not to say I still don’t struggle with this whole dynamic, but that was a corner-turning point for me.
Thanks again for all the intelligence and honesty.
Awesome Insights, Glenn!
Dear Glenn,
Yes, I have just been thinking about the last ten years and all the ups and downs and that has lead me to the situation I am in right now. I admit I have been feeling sorry for myself this morning because of the debt. My husband and I are in the health field so we always take care of ourselves and meditate and put the family first.
It is heart warming to hear we are doing the right thing and this situation with money put us in fear. You just confirmed what I have been doing is correct in not putting my focus on only money but the quality of my life and the gratitude I feel for where I am at. Thanks for the support.
I am in the middle of adwords search and relevance and we have found the niche and now are working on the keywords. With your information I am seeing how this will work. If I hadn’t used your course I may have overlooked it.
So help is on the way and I am looking forward to next month’s club lesson.
Sincerely,
Karen
(Note about “going dark” — I’m a little disappointed to hear that you were working these last two weeks. I thought you’d had found an opportunity to get a well-deserved rest. Probably just a little projection on my part. Maybe I’m craving a well-deserved rest.
I’ve been working on this for a year or so now. Been reading and meditating about it. Looking at what I really want and distancing myself from money as but a tool to help me get there.
Trouble has been getting the wife to see this. She was raised in a scarcity mindset and it’s hard to get her focused on things she wants other than to have money around. She thinks she wants other things, but she won’t let the fear of loss go.
I did a Tony Robbins exercise once looking at what my deepest values are and what would have to happen for me to feel that they were being met. Not one of them required any money at all. That really surprised me because I\\\’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a bread-head. So I wrote them on a list and keep them in my planner, and any time I feel bad I remind myself what\\\’s <i>really</i> important.
Hmmm. I don’t know if I can agree with you. We are simple beings hampered by a complex, haphazard internal wiring that meshes hope with dignity, survival, lies, truth and any number of variables and an action that’s appropriate at one time may be inappropriate a day later.
If you can calm down and hear the truth bubbling up through your consciousness or chance upon an answer that actually works after every other solution hasn’t, you may be lucky or blessed and good luck to you. In my experience, adopting a theory, a religion or a way – in anything – is doomed to failure.
Money is no different. For some they will need to obsess. How many great financial institutions and businesses have been built by people who were obsessed by money? For others, it would just get in their way.
James,
Have you noticed that many important and successful people have, through the ages, told us that we become what we think about?
It seems you chose to think that you are not in control of your life and that is sad but true because that is what you believe.
It is not easy to switch your thinking around but it is worth every effort. Glenn\’s is one of the many of us who did it and in this article he his showing us how he did. It is really worth reading again and reflecting over.
If you want to have better control on what is going on in your live that is.